what it really means and looks like to lead a toddler through the day

1: i start by thinking ahead. i set the plan for wherever we go. i say the expectations for what will happen at the park. “okay, we are almost to the park! do you see it?” i get their attention on the thing they want: to go play.

then we can talk about what the park will mean. “we can play on the slides or the swings, and it’s going to be so much fun. what do you want to play first?”

when we get to the slides, “when you see somebody in front of you, wait. when they are all the way off the slide, then you can go.”

when they want to swing but all the swings are taken, “aw man. i know you wanted to swing right now. whenever someone is all done, then it will be your turn. let’s check again in 2 minutes. what do you want to do with 2 min while we wait?” if they can’t get over the swing, “well for 2 minutes, we could do more slides or we could walk on the trail.” if they choose one, great. if they are so concered they can’t get over the swing, say, “we can sit here on the side and watch, and as soon as somebody is all done, then we can get on.” i’ve learned i have to let go of control sometimes like what exactly we do at the park.

the function of the park is to get them outside, to move and run and play, and get some energy out (even though it doesn’t feel like that works most of the time hehe).

so even if we are sitting watching the swings, are we outside? yes. are we moving and playing something? yes, we already did the slides and we will swing soon. then it’s a good park visit.

it doesn’t really matter exactly what we do, as long as everyone is safe and respectful to the people around us.

and when it is time to leave, i know this is the hard part for so many mamas (if that’s you, you are NOT alone whew). the biggest thing no one tells moms is the value of setting expectations for leaving, too. i leave 5-10 minutes for the transition before leaving, and that’s part of my responsibility as the grown up to think ahead about what’s about to happen. about 10 minutes before we need to go, i’ll say something like, “hey, it’s almost time to walk back to the car. so is there anything else you want to do before we leave the park?”

pro tip #1: if your toddler likes to run away when you’re saying this, its boundary time. my favorite ;). this is a physical boundary: when you listen to my words, then you can go run and play until it’s time to go. pick them up, put them on your lap and have them look in your eyes so you know they are listening. for older toddlers, even have them repeat back to you what you say. “it’s almost time to say bye bye to the park. what do you want to do before we have to go?”

then, 3 minute warning. get their attention. i love just calling their name from wherever they are at and telling them, “5 minutes! choose ONE more thing to do before we leave.” one more slide. one more swing (then i count down 10 pushes + when the swing stops, that means it’s time to go to the car. keep it clear for them to understand when things will happen - in numbers, not just “soon.”

1 minute warning. “okay we did the swings. this is the last push, and when the swing stops it will be time to walk back to the car.”

then, the simple but hard part for most mamas. follow through. seems simple, right? but what about when they don’t want to leave? well, it’s time to leave. there’s no negotiation, there’s no 5 more minutes. we already said 5 more minutes and then we did swings and now we are all done. we will come back to the park in 2 days. your attitude has to be, “well, that’s just what it is. this was the plan and mommy follows her plans she says. time to go.”

pro tip #2: if they can’t hear you and are distracted, don’t take it personally. get closer, go up to them, etc. but, if are making it into a game where they run away when you’re trying to tell them something, it’s time for the boundary. the boundary here is: when mama speaks to you, you stop and listen. go get them, move calmly and don’t make it seem like a game to them where they are getting away. when you get to them, pick them up and explain, “you ran away from mommy. that is not safe. when you run away, we have to leave the park.” whewwww, that is going to be a long hour or so where they are learning that boundary. you walk back to the car, you let them cry and you get them buckled into their car seat. personally i like to sit with them in the backseat for a little while after a moment like that and hold them if they’ll let me. but if they’re hitting, into the carseat we go. and let me be fully honest with you, the next time you leave the park, they will likely test to see what happens this time. do the same thing and mamas are always surprised how quickly your toddler will catch on.

if you want them to listen when you speak, make it the preferred choice for them. they learn: “when i listen to mama at the park, i get to keep playing until it’s time to go. when i run away, i have to leave.” toddlers don’t understand boundaries when you tell them, but they learn by the way you follow through.

i can count the amount of tantrums i’ve experienced with toddler when leaving a place on one hand in the past 5 or so YEARS. and i’m around them almost daily.

i want you to have the same strategies in your back pocket, so that’s why boundaries and tantrums are the first two topics i am focused on sharing through Feelosophy Mama.

i made a 3 week boundary reset completely free for you (link right here) and am working on creating a deep dive into this through a course available autumn of 2025. we are working with mamas to refine it and make it a go-to resource for real life with toddlers, then will open it up to all of our Feelosophy Fam (to get on the waitlist for sneak peeks and money off when it is released, join here).

TLDR;

when you take your toddler to the park,

set the expectations before you get there

let go of overthinking or controlling what happens there, as long as everyone is safe and we are respectful of people around us

5 minute and “one last thing” countdowns

if they aren’t listening and making it into a game, leave right then

help them if they need it, so they learn they need to listen to your boundaries the first time